I have a confession for everyone.

I'm arrogant.

Yup, you heard it here, I am completely fully absolutely all-too-aware of my own intelligence. Worst of all, I like knowing that I'm smart, and I like other people knowing it, too. It's the most guilty of my pleasures. My own smugness disgusts me.

My "smartness" has always been something I've clung to, especially in the face of hordes of athletically, socially, and artistically inclined individuals - all of which I am not. And over the years, I've worked harder and harder at fulfilling my own self-image. Especially during middle school/highschool and highschool/college transitions, I've taken the oppurtunity to completely outdo myself. That I'm a pretty smart kid is both a gift and a curse: because this is such a huge part of how I define myself, grades becomes way too important to me. In this scheme of things the difference between an A- and an A isn't only the difference between being good and being the best, it's the difference between being them and being me. Being defined by this grading process is awful - and sometimes I wish I could escape it and the competitive drive it instills in me.

My worst nightmare is that someday, when the wheat is being separated from the chaffe, I just might be in the chaffe. 7:46 PM